


Cucumbers

by blerdxlines



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Dick Jokes, F/M, Food, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Humor, M/M, Other, Professor Hulk - Freeform, Vegetables
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2020-03-29 13:09:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19020577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blerdxlines/pseuds/blerdxlines
Summary: You're chopping cucumbers in the kitchen and Tony gets curious about Bruce's.





	Cucumbers

You stood at the kitchen island, rhythmically chopping cucumbers as Bruce and Tony sat at the other end, reading over a mission briefing on their tablets.  
Breaking concentration, Tony leaned back glancing over at you momentarily before signaling to Bruce who was hyperfocused on reading.

  
"Psst!" Tony whispered, glancing over at you.  
He sat upright, tapping on the counter top. "Hey!"  
Bruce continued reading, oblivious to Tony's efforts.  
Tony rolled his eyes, grabbing a slice of cucumber from the plate beside him throwing it at Bruce who flinched.

  
Bruce dropped his tablet to the counter and sighed. "What?"  
"That doesn't bother you?" Tony whispered.  
"What?"  
Tony discreetly nodded his head toward you.

  
"Chopping cucumbers?" Bruce chuckled. "Why would that bother me?"  
"Well. I assume your uh," _*whistle*_ "is also green?"  
Bruce tilted his head, confused.

  
"You know. Your cazzo? Your shaboinka? Your thunderstick? Your beef bullet?"  
Bruce lowered his head, raising his hands in surrender. "Tony..."  
"It's an honest question!" Tony whispered, shrugging defensively.

  
"Does it bother you when Pepper cuts baby carrots?"

  
You abruptly covered your mouth, wheezing into your hand and Tony suddenly realized you had been listening.  
He tilted his head, leering at the smirking Bruce who stood from his stool to join you at the counter, grabbing a slice of veggie and crunching it in his mouth.

  
"Trust me. That cucumber has nothing on me."  
He placed his hand on your shoulder, kissing you on the top of your head, before you nudged him in the rib.

  
"Guess your new cucumber is as big as your ego."  
Tony kicked his feet up on the counter as Bruce took a seat across from him.  
"I'm just joking, Tony. Mine could never surpass yours."


End file.
